A course on cursing by Commander Shepard (Or: Fuck Tim)
by FallingT
Summary: In which Shepard is 200% done with Cerberus and makes it known, Javik approves and Garrus just wants to go back to his calibrations.


I got the idea while I was replaying Dragon Age Origins, I don't know why or what I was doing, but I though about Shepard cursing Tim for every fucking time Cerberus appears to fuck things over, so here you are!

 **oWo**

The mission on Sur'Kesh began with a boom – literally.

In hindsight, she could have chosen a much more _diplomatically fit_ party to bring along, but Wrex playing the angry krogan and Javik not-so-causally dropping hints of his people love for raw salarian liver, was very much worth it.

After they had left Wrex with the guards, just to appease the salarians, they met the Sergeant Kirrahe, with whom they had fought on Virmire. It was a nice reunion, that ended with the men preaching his loyalty to Shepard's cause. When they moved downstairs, to the labs, Valery was over the moon to be met with the sight of Mordin. It turned out he was Wrex's inside source, and she couldn't be more happy for it. Back on Cerberus' days, they had shared a teacher-student bond, filled with scientific talks and the occasional sarcastic remark, especially when Val had tried to ask question about human/turian compatibility. She had been sad to lose his traces after she'd been grounded, but the good news stopped there. The doctor informed them that out of all the females, only one had survived the traumatic experiences.

Maelon researches had helped, he said, but not enough.

Shepard introduced herself to a very reluctant Krogan, though she could not say she was surprised for the reaction. She was about to reassure her when alarms started blearing station wide, alerting them of danger.

Shepard grabbed the closest technician, and yelled at him to tell her what was going on.

'We are being attacked!' the young salarian reported, only managing to worsen her already souring mood.

'Tell me something I don't know!' she hissed, so very close to punch someone in the face.

'Several Cerberus shuttles inbound' Garrus helpfully supplied, quickly scanning the information that ran over his visor.

'Oh fuck you, Tim!' she cried, moving away from the krogan towards another technician that was typing away at a console nearby.

'Release the female, we're getting out of here!' she ordered with a tone that left no space for objections.

The salarian seemed to disagree.

'I can't. Protocol states tha-' he was interrupted halfway through by an electric charge in the middle of his spine. If that was what salarian had, she wasn't sure.

Shepard only then noticed Mordin standing behind the electrocuted technician, a small, scary smile pulling at his scarred lips.

'Release female – a pause – please' he said simply.

The technician, with a somewhat incredulous look on his long face, did as he was told, and Mordin hurried to slip inside the holding cell to monitor the female.

'Meet us at the next check point, need to clear us trough. Hurry!'

Val moved towards the elevator without a second thought, and Garrus was again surprised at how easy it was for the Professor to order her around. He was the only person other than Hackett and Anderson that Val listened to without question. Sometimes he envied them, sometimes he didn't.

Nonetheless he followed along with Javik, only for them to be met by a bomb planted in the elevator.

Val rose from the ground after the explosion muttering insults of varying magnitudes towards "tim", and did not stop cussing for the whole run towards the upper floor.

As expected, they were met with some resistance – more than they would have liked, honestly, but Shepard seemed undeterred. Every time she sniped one of them, she would murmur _fuck tim_ under her breath, causing both her companions, and Wrex over the comms, to frown in mild confusion and/or preoccupation.

They proceeded towards the second check point, only to be faced with a rather morbid but strangely satisfying scene; one of those weird creatures they called _Yahgs_ had broken free from its holding cell and was angrily mauling away at two Cerberus agents. Once it was happy and done with its operate, it fled.

'Well, we should think about sending one of those to Cerberus as a present, I'm sure Tim would appreciate' Shepard chuckled ominously, moving towards where the creature had escaped.

Garrus and Javik shared a confused frown but did not answer back.

When they finally reached the final check point in the landing area, the resistance got significantly heavier; it seemed Cerberus was hell bent on getting their dirty little hands on the krogan.

'When I'll get my hands on you, Tim, I'm going to make you swallow every fucking bullet your creepy husks have fired at me, you sick son of a whore!' Shepard growled as she was forced to move from cover in order to avoid getting flanked. She ducked behind a desk just as her shields went down, but she soon sighed in relief when Javik's biotics put an end to the last of those fuckers.

Respite was short lived, and not a minute later, an Atlas appeared out of nowhere.

'What the fuck Tim! What. The. Fuck!' Val yelled at the giant mech as she rolled back behind cover.

'How many of those do you have, uh?' she kept yelling while she proceeded to unload a whole thermal clip of her rifle on the blasted thing.

'It's not as if you can shit gold, you motherfucker!' she said, stressing that last word as the Atlas pointedly exploded after a well placed overload.

When calm and tranquility set back on the landing area, Shepard moved towards the control pad, brushing off dust and blood from her armour as she went, and opened the protective shield that contained both Mordin and the female.

At the same time, Wrex had landed the shuttle he had 'borrowed' and had rushed to help the female – Val was a bit tired to refer to her as such, but she had refused to provide a name for the time being.

Once they had made sure she was fine, they moved back to the shuttle; Sur'Kesh was now on Valery's list of places she could not stand, though Horizon still retained the first place.

Wrex, Mordin and the female were already on board when a pained moan caught her ear. She turned to see one Cerberus operative still alive, crawling towards her in a bath of blood.

Determination and blind rage seeped through her as she stalked towards him, pistol firmly held in her right hand.

Her foot came rushing down on his spine, eliciting a scream from the dying man.

She didn't care.

'Tell me why Tim wants this female' she hissed, her gun pointed at his skull.

The man was probably well over the point of consciousness, and he was evidently unable to provide her with the reply she sought.

Garrus watched as Shepard kicked the already almost dead operative without even flinching at what she was doing. There were times as that one, that he had to remind himself that Valery Shepard was not always the laughing, joking and sarcastic woman he had fell in love with, she was also a ruthless soldier, a war machine, able to do things in a way that not many people could either stomach or pull off.

'Well then, you're fucking useless. What a surprise' she sneered, her index tightening ever so slightly on the trigger.

'Say hello to Tim when you see him in hell' she said, her voice as cold as the desolates frozen mountains on Vermire.

Then her finger pulled the trigger, and the man crumbled beneath her booth.

When the echo of the bullet dissipated, and silence fell, she smirked down at the now dead body.

'Or don't' she quipped, turning around and heading to the shuttle as nothing ever happened.

When she was finally on board Javik turned to Garrus, a look of half approval half puzzlement dancing in his four golden eyes.

'Who's Tim?' he asked, his voice betraying his amusement.

'I – it's a long story, believe me' Garrus sighed, shaking his head and following the Prothean inside the shuttle.

* * *

When Shepard was back in her cabin, the Hamster learned that his owner vocabulary was very much more broad that he'd ever anticipated.


End file.
